Despite All My Flaws?

It isn't very often that a girl my age gets the opportunity to explore deep inside the pysche of a dead twenty-five year-old man that she never met. But, then, that's the wonderful thing about books, isn't it?

Over a year ago I purchased a copy of "The Journals of Jim Elliot." When I was seven, I had written my very first paper about him after reading his biography. He was the first missionary that I ever learned about. Killed by the Auca Indianas in Ecuador in 1956, he was a valiant servant of Christ who gave his life attempting to teach the gospel to a group of people that no one had ever reached before. After he died, his wife, (and one of my favorite people in the universe,) Elisabeth, took over. She ended up converting the entire tribe to Christianity, making their story one of the most amazing that I've ever read.

Well, needless to say, I was thoroughly excited to read about Jim's personal thoughts and feelings, and I couldn't wait to hear what he had to say in his journals. I eagerly opened his diary as soon as I received it- only to close it again with wide eyes and a slightly scarred mind.

You see, Jim was a man. A sinful man just like the rest of us. A sinful man just like the rest of us who struggled with lust. A sinful man just like the rest of us who struggled with lust and copied all of his thoughts into his diary in rather graphic detail.

His thoughts weren't exactly fitting for a young woman to read.

Confused, I remember sitting in my room and thinking, "Well! Even with all the sinners in the world, I assumed that at least Jim Elliot, of all people, would be a good example of someone who lived a Christian lifestyle! Boy, was I wrong!" And his book went on my shelf next to all of his wife's books, collecting dust and remaining unread.

As I read back over Jim's journals the other night, I had a new perspective. A year later, I saw his thoughts in an entirely new light, and it gave me hope.

You see, Jim was an amazing man who did amazing things for God. The fact that he struggled with lust doesn't make what he did for Jesus any less amazing, though that was my first reaction. And while I don't necessarily have a problem with lust all of the time, I'm certainly just as full of flaws as he was. Sometimes the number of things that I have to ask for forgiveness for is overwhelming, and I find myself saying, "How in the world could you ever use me, God?"

We all have struggles, but we can't forget that God wants to use us despite our flaws. Don't wait until you are "perfect" to do things for Him, because that day won't come while we're on this earth. And if God can use Jim Elliot, a man who constantly struggled with his own set of flaws, to bring an entire tribe to Himself, transform an entire generation of Christians back in the fifties and still inspire people today, how much do you think that can He use you and I for His glory?