Reflecting the Beauty of Christ

Last night my parents and I stood at the entrance to the walking path at the nearby fish hatchery and watched as a swan gently floated down from the sky, the setting sun spreading light through its translucent wings and setting them aflame with bright light. It gently soared to the pond below, gracefully tucking its wings back down to rest, and beautiful rings echoed in the water. As we watched, I thought, That reminds me of God.

I used to worry about beauty, and often stared at myself in the mirror as I asked the question that every thirteen year-old girl desperately wants to be answered (preferably by some tall sixteen year-old who has already gone through puberty): "Am I beautiful?"

After Jesus became my Everything two years later, those thoughts slowly fell out of my mind. He told me that I was everything He desired for me to be, and that was enough (when I listened.) I thought about my appearance as little as possible, deciding resolutely that if I spent absolutely no time on it that He would be more pleased with me.

I was wrong.

I met a woman today. We'll call her Brenda, though that wasn't her name. She was about two hundred pounds overweight, her language was coarse, and her mannerisms were far from graceful. She used to drive eighteen-wheelers and has had a difficult life, from what I learned about her, so she has more excuses than a lot of people. Still, I couldn't help but wonder as I watched her how difficult it would be for someone like her to reflect the beauty of Christ. It wasn't that she didn't have an attractive face, just that her appearance as a whole didn't remind me of Him.

Brenda is what happens when we don't ever think about our appearance, and there was nothing holy about her. The problem comes in when we don't think about our appearances in the context of living a life for Christ and instead worry about what people think of us all of the time.

If you've ever struggled in this area, here are some questions that Jesus has asked me over the past few years:

-Is what I am wearing today reflecting the beauty of Christ or drawing attention to me, either in a good or bad way? Because, ultimately, it's always about Him.

-Are there any appearance-related obsessions (hair, make-up, jewelry, clothing) in my life that Jesus might be asking me to give up in order to be more focused on Him?

This life is meant to reflect Christ in every way. I spend a lot of time with people who live very dark lives- some of them spend all day shut up in dark, lonely rooms with no one to talk to. I decided soon after I began performing that I would strive to reflect Jesus in everything- my smile, my clothing, the songs I play, the way I speak and act- and it makes all the difference. I had an elderly man take my hand the other day and just look in my eyes for the longest time. "Thank you," was all he said, but I knew that he meant it with all of his heart. It's not about me, but the fact that, because Christ lives in me, that means that the moment that man touched me, he had an encounter with the Living God. 

I couldn't care less about make-up or shopping. That's not the point I'm trying to make. The number one question to ask is this: Am I striving to make others, whether they are guys, friends, strangers on the street, co-workers, or anyone else, think about me or about Jesus? If that is what we continue to ask ourselves, the answer will begin to affect every area of our lives. 

"From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth." Psalm 50:2 

The Feast is Already Prepared

 

Saturday mornings at our house are the best.

After a leisurely, sleeping-in sort of night's rest, I'll usually awaken to the aroma of coffee, bacon or sausage, and some delicious breakfast treat (anything from cinnamon rolls to sour cream cinnamon coffee cake to lemon poppyseed muffins to today's pancakes with our neighbor's berry sauce....are you hungry yet?) No matter how tired I am, I somehow end up practically unconsciously floating from bed to the kitchen counter to enjoy a delightful breakfast prepared by the loving hands of my dear mother. Well, this morning was slightly different- Jesus taught me a lesson before I even left my bed.

Last night I spend a good portion of the evening with Jesus, and we did what I like to think of as an "Open Heart Overhaul." Obviously, this was His idea and not mine, but I was so incredibly thankful for our time together and the things that He revealed to me. To be honest, I'll never be the same after our night together. In order for the beauty of our "overhaul" to take place, I had to come to Him. The problem was, I almost didn't.

It had been a rather long day, and my dad had built a warm, relaxing fire in our woodstove. After reading by the fireside for awhile, I was just about to settle down for a nap.

Come away with Me, He whispered.

"Hm? What was that?" I pretended not to hear.

Come away with Me.

"The Bible says that you 'grant sleep' to those you love!" (I always use that one as an excuse.)

You know, I should've thought about the fact that I was quoting the Bible to God.

Once He finally got me right where He wanted me, (which took awhile, let me tell you,) and our overhaul had begun, I began to realize that what I had desperately wanted- sleep, rest and rejuvination- was all to be found in Him. Not only that, but He began stripping away the layers of my heart in the areas that I had been struggling with until I was at His feet in repentance and worship. It was one of the most beautiful moments of this year (so far.) And do you know what He said at the peak of our beautiful intimacy?

I've been anticipating this moment all day long. I had this feast prepared for you, and I was just waiting for you to come to Me.

My mother's Saturday morning breakfasts are the best, but what if I never left the comfort of my warm bed to go eat them? Not only would I be left with a headache from oversleeping and a horribly empty stomach, but I would be missing out on one of the lovliest parts of being a member of the Durham family- the time we spend together.

That's what He told me this morning before I enjoyed our pancakes with berry sauce.

Next time He says, Come away with Me, I think I just might do it without so much hesitation. After all, He's ready and waiting for one of the lovliest parts of being a member of His family- passionate intimacy with Him, the beautiful Lover of our souls.

Mary vs. Martha

I think a lot of people have the wrong idea when it comes to the (true!) story of Mary and Martha. For quite a long time, I did, too-perhaps because of this little episode:

Several years ago, Lauren and I were selected to help teach a children's church
lesson to a group of elementary students. It was our job to act out a
little skit about Mary and Martha. Of course, we took it quite seriously.
Lauren came over the night before, and spent the night. Among our usual
activities (actually, I don't remember exactly what we did, but it most likely
included these things), like making elaborate crafts, chatting,
and sharing top-secret secrets, we managed to fit in a little time to
rehearse our skit. In fact, I can still recall sitting on my bed and
handing my hairbrush (a.k.a. microphone) back and forth. Also, I believe
our rehearsals involved a lot of laughter. I wonder why?

However, the next morning, the laughter turned to
fear. Nervously, we donned our rather humiliating Mary and Martha
costumes (which were large pieces of fabric to serve as head
scarves). When we stood up there in front of 20-s0me bored, glazy-eyed
children, and realized that the mic was now indeed very real, and no
longer simply a hairbrush, we rather frightened.

But we managed to say our lines with only a couple stutters. Then
it was over. I believe we had chicken for lunch that afternoon.

And Mary and Martha? Well, all I knew was that Martha was the grump, and Mary was lazy. That was about it.

Now, however, the story of Mary and Martha is one of my favorites in the Bible. Oddly, we seem to put quite a lot of blame on Martha for not seeking Jesus like her sister Mary did. But, between these two women, aren't we more often a lot like Martha?

Unlike other's opinions, I don't think Martha was trying to ignore her beloved Teacher. In fact, she was doing her best to serve Him.

On other hand, Mary was not a shirk. If you are really serving Him, you do not make the work harder for those around you. But, unlike her sister, Mary knew what was important.

We get so busy serving God, that we forget what is truly most important. If we want real power with God and man, we must stop fretting.

"Martha, Martha," Jesus gently told the tired woman, "you are worried and upset about many things. Only one thing is important. Mary has choosen the better thing, and it will never be taken away from her." (Luke 10)

What is most important is to come to the feet of Jesus, to listen to Him, to drink in His fullness, to learn of His abounding grace.

Thursday's Thought from Heros of the Faith

As we look out into society today, we can understand why so many lives are unhappy. They have never learned that the one secret of happiness is to give to the point of self-denial and self-sacrifice. -F.B. Meyer

Expectation

There was a warm fire roaring in the wood stove. Glancing out my window, I saw stars gleaming in the sky like diamonds and knew that I couldn't just stay inside and pretend like they weren't there.

I smiled and thanked Jesus for the beautiful impracticality of stars. It was one of those nights where you realize that the stars are infinitely innumerable and feel incredibly small (because you are.) Suddenly I remembered a dream that I had forgotten all about from several weeks before.

I was standing under the same sky in my front yard, except there were more stars- the entire expanse of the sky was completely covered with them- and they were brighter than any stars I had ever seen. In my dream, I watched as the heavens parted open. When I awoke, Malachi 3:10 was repeating itself over and over in my mind:

"...see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."

When I looked up the verse, though, I realized that my mind had left out a very important part: "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test Me in this..."

I've met a lot of lukewarm Christians. They're always nice people with nice houses and nice things and nice kids and nice clothes and nice food and nice entertainment. They're relatively happy people who take nice vacations and have nice plans for retirement. They pray before dinner and go to church on Sundays. Every time I meet one of them I think, "Well, that's nice. Great for them..." 

"Jesus, don't let me be like that, okay?"  

Most people settle for lukewarm lives, and if that's what they want, that's fine. Usually it's what they're expecting, so I suppose they can't imagine anything different. Well, for some reason, Jesus has given Lindsey and I this passionate desire to pursue Him radically and leave everything else behind. We're extremely expectant for what He's going to do with our lives. We're both purposefully in positions right now to be completely and entirely open to Him and devoted to Him, and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Part of that package is being expectant. I can't tell you how many times I've heard things like, "Someday you're going to look across the breakfast table and wonder if you married the right person," and, "It'll be different when you're older- just wait," and, "Some days it's going to feel like God has abandoned you."

Well, you know what? If that's what you're expecting, then that's probably what you're going to get. We have a beautiful Father who honors our expectations, and I'm sure He really appreciates it when we say things like that about Him. But I happen to believe the Bible, specifically the portion in Malachi where He asks me to be so expectant that He'll even open the floodgates of heaven on my behalf.

I have no idea what you need right now- perhaps it's something as specific as enough finances to pay your bills or something as vague as a peace that will fill a void in your heart- but Jesus is aching to do it for you.

Expect Him to.

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my vision

O Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me

Save that Thou art

Thou my best thought

By day of by night

Waking or sleeping

Thy Presence my light

Be Thou my wisdom

Be Thou my true word

I ever with Thee

And Thou with with me Lord

Thou my great Father

I thy true son

Thou in me dwelling

And I with Thee one

High Kind of heaven

When vict'ry is won

May I reach heaven's joys

O bright heaven's sun

Heart of my own heart

Whatever befall

Still be my vision

O Rular of all

Pick up that Pitcher!

Pour.

That's been a word on my mind quite a lot this month.

Mainly because of these two verses:

If you pour yourself out to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places. Isaiah 58:10-11

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him, God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

Upon each circumstance we face each day, I have realized Jesus is giving us the chance to pour ourselves out.

And, as I have begun to (slowly) understand, and practice the act of pouring myself out-to others and to Jesus-I have found that Jesus does indeed fulfill His promise. When we pour out our hearts, we are indeed given light, far greater light than we'll ever get if refuse to pour.

Elisabeth Elliot says (and so fittingly),

Isaiah 58:10-11-Here, I think, lies the answer to the barrenness of a single life, or a life that might otherwise be selfish of lonely. It is the answer, I have found, to depression as well. You yourself will be given light in exchange for pouring yourself out, you yourself will get guidance, the satisfaction of your longings, and strength when you pour yourself out, when you make the satisfaction of somebody Else's desires your concern.

If we all begin to pour, instead giving a little drop here and there, I really think that our gloom would rise high as the noonday. And who doesn't want that?

Conventionality Isn't in the Bible....I Checked

One day my mother and I were driving down the road, and I starting thinking out loud.

"I always feel older than everyone my age. I fit in better with older people. Maybe it's because God is in me, and He has no age, and if I let Him live through me like He wants to, then....yeah."

(This is usually what happens when Lauren thinks out loud.)

Really, though, when you think about it, if we're allowing Jesus to live through us, then it is only our bodies that have an age. If you don't believe me, I had an experience last night to prove it.

I was sitting at an out-of-tune upright with a broken key singing show tunes when Jesus whispered, I want you to pray for Janet before you leave tonight.

(If you don't remember Janet and "Danny Boy," read this: http://walkinhislight.blogspot.com/2010/11/oh-to-be-used-for-his-glory.html)

I have never prayed with anyone at an assisted living facility, and the thought sort of scared me, but I knew that He would give me the courage if it was really what He wanted.

When I had finished perfoming, I greeted each of the precious people who had just spent an hour with me. Janet, who actually remembered me this time, quickly gave me a hug before she had to leave to help one of the older residents to her room.

Well, then, it must not've been God! I thought a little too happily.

Meanwhile, Leona, one of the sweetest, kindest ladies I've met, gave me $5. "I wanted to give you ten, but only had fives and twenties," she smiled honestly.

Janet came back, and we started chatting. Everyone else had gone to their rooms, and the lights were dim. We talked like old friends, and I discovered that her brother has won three Tony awards and been nominated for seven others for directing shows on Broadway. I also found out that the beautiful facility where Leona and Janet live is all a show- the director is awful and has been causing problems for everyone. Both of them were very troubled. There was a pause- this was my chance.

"Do you two mind if I pray with you?"

They agreed that they would love to, and we all sat on the couch and joined hands. I prayed a quick, honest prayer, not wanting to be over-the-top or flowery. I asked God for wisdom and guidance and peace for the wonderful ladies that I had been blessed to spend the evening with.

The moment I said "Amen" we were all in each other's arms. "I love you!" Leona cried. "This is what we need more of."

There was no gap between our ages- I wasn't eighteen and they weren't eighty- we were sisters in Christ, and He had filled me with His beautiful love for them until I was overflowing with it. "I love you, too," I smiled as I held her close.

So often we're caught up in conventionality. "This is the way things are, and that's how I want it to stay." But Jesus isn't conventional- if we're willing to listen to His gentle prompting, beautiful things can happen. All we need to do is say, "Yes, I'll do this, even if it makes me uncomfortable or seems strange. You know best."

And He always does.

Enough Grace to Be a Fake Mom

Ridiculous. That was the word that popped into my head as I looked at my schedule at the beginning of the week. There's no way I'm going to make it with my head on straight!

Ask Me for grace, He whispered.

So I did.

I was a full-time nanny for four days this week. Here's what my day looked like on Thursday.

-Got up at six (that might be normal for you, but it's not for me...)
-Took S. and K. to school
-Took M. to school
-Played the family's piano for almost two hours
-Picked up S.
-Made lunch
-Sold an ad for the program for the play I'm in (I actually sold one on my first and only try and that has never happened)
-Drove half an hour to Portage to play at a memory care facility for an hour
-Picked up K.
-Took K. to piano
-Picked up K. from piano and M. from school
-Played video games with M. for an hour (and didn't fall asleep from boredom!)
-Took M. and S. to piano
-Made dinner
-Picked up M. and S.
-Got gas in the car
-Drove to Plainwell for a play rehearsal
-Drove all of the way back to Mattawan

I'm not telling you all of that to complain, because it was effortless. And I'm not telling you it was effortless to brag, because it had nothing to do with me. It was all about grace.

I went to bed that night, and my head wasn't swimming because of grace.

I watched one of the residents at the memory care facility be wheeled out on a stretcher and was able to calm the other residents down with music because of grace.

I wasn't worried about driving all of that distance in the snow because of grace.

I wasn't exhausted because of grace.

Ask Him for grace right now, and I promise you that there are no situations too rough for Him to smooth out. His enabling grace is so perfect that I can't even describe it too you- you need to experience it for yourself.

^"Or do you think Scripture says without reason that He jealously longs for the spirit He has caused to dwell in us? But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you." James 4:5-7 

He Supplies

It had been a long day, and an even longer night. After helping watch twelve energetic kindergartners for the evening, it was no wonder my mind was a in whirlwind when I came home.

I just want everything to be quiet, I thought as I hung up my coat. Just some peace and quiet!

"How was you class tonight?" My sister asked.

"Fine..." the exasperated voice replied.

Without a second thought, I headed to the kitchen for a snack, and then plopped down in front of the computer. To my dismay, I found that the Internet was down, again. Okay then-I'm just going to take a nice, long, hot bath, and then go to bed!

As I slumped up the stairs, dozens of selfish, tiring thoughts were tour jete-ing though my mind. "Pathetic" might a fitting word for the situation.

But, upon reaching my room, it was as if the very breath of the Spirit of God filled my entire mind and soul. Suddenly, worry turned to peace. Weary turned to might. Confusion turned to clarity.

There on my bed, from an earlier study, were two Bibles. "Open them," Jesus urged.
With a purring cat in my lap, I did just as He instructed. The first one said:

The Lord gives me wisdom

and the second said,

Christ gives me strength

Wisdom and strength. Oddly, weren't those the very two things, in a nutshell, the characteristics which I lacked?

However, I realized there in His precious presence, that receiving such qualities takes more than a mere prayer which says, "C'mon God, give me some strength and wisdom!"

I believe for Christ to give us wisdom and strength, it involves this:

• Deliberately surrendering the selfish fleshly habits and desires. (Such as long hot baths and extended computer time. Ahem.)


• Submitting our human "ME-mentality" (For Christ-the giver of strength and wisdom, has the preeminence)


• Purifying our hearts from past sin


• Passionately pursuing the Author and Perfecter of our faith


• That no matter who we are with (including our family) we are joyfully serving and pointing their eyes toward Christ and not ourselves.

Onward, Christian soldiers!

Thursday's Thoughts from Heroes of the Faith

"...The same faithful Lord who calls me by name and never loses track of my goings reminds us all in a still, small voice, 'Ye are My witnesses that ye might know and believe Me and understand that I am He.' There's our primary responsibility; to know Him. I can't be a witness unless I've seen something, unless I know what it is I am to testify to." -Elisabeth Elliot

Distractions

One year I spent almost the entire summer outside exploring our seemingly endless backyard. Though our property ends after a couple of acres, we were allowed to go as far as we wanted to (or at least I assumed we were...I guess I never really asked...) and I named everything. One of my favorite haunts became "Twilight's Field."

This morning I stood there in the very center. Jesus had asked me to go on a date with Him, and we stood there together. I closed my eyes to focus on Him, and all I could think about were the sounds- the highway far off in the distance, the crows, the little birds singing, the rustling dead leaves, the wind, the airplanes in the sky- there was so much going on.

Then I tried closing my eyes and putting my hands over my ears. Now I noticed completely different things- the warmth of my fur-lined coat, the feeling of the gentle breeze on my face, the crisp cool air, and the sweet, gentle voice of my Prince. Once all of the other sounds had been eliminated, His voice became clear.

He was teaching me how to take away distractions. As beautiful as rustling leaves and singing birds are, when it comes to hearing the voice of God, they can easily become a distraction.

Elisabeth Elliot once talked about how you know the true character of a person if they can't stay in a room alone for a half of an hour without anything- books, music, television- and be completely happy. The reason? We need to learn how to abide in Christ and find all of our contentment in Him. In this incredibly technological, high-energy, fast-paced age, we are so used to being entertained and coddled that being completely focused on Someone we can't even see seems almost impossible.

So what are distractions? Anything and everything. The enemy of our souls can use absolutely anything- even a gift from God- as a distraction if we allow him to. It's up to us to allow Jesus to show us what we're letting ease into our relationship with Him and get rid of it. He belongs at the forefront of every mind, but how often do we let Him stay there? For me, sadly, the answer is almost never.

But, oh, the grace that He freely gives! If we allow Him to have His way in us, then we are already on our way to having the beautiful relationship with Him that He has always intended for us to have.

A Nickname

 

If you don't remember David from the Paw Paw Village Players, perhaps the two of you ought to become acquainted. (http://firstjohnoneseven.wordpress.com/2010/02/24/david/)

It's been almost a year since I wrote that, and the thought of David mostly brings back vague memories- except for one.

...Okay, more than one. He was the first and only person who has ever asked me out. *Shudder.* Let us set that thought aside.

Thank you.

ANYway, on this particular occasion, I just happened to be stuck backstage alone with this autistic young man who loved death metal and supposedly had a problem with pornography. I was about to move to a more populated area when he spoke.

"I have a nickname for you," he smiled.

The look on my face must've accidentally revealed how I felt about that.

"It's not bad or anything," he assured me.

"What is it?" I said in a voice about that loud after an extremely awkward silence.

"Pure, because I think you're one of the purest people here."

Pure?

He of all people had actually noticed that I was striving to stay pure amidst all of the lude, immodest, revolting behavior that our cast exhibited? I had always felt out of place because of it, and no one really seemed to notice me most of the time. It was a difficult struggle- you could either be well-liked or mostly ignored because of the way you dressed and the things that you laughed about. Often I felt Jesus tugging at my heart and pulled the opposite direction just because I was tired of the fact that no one seemed to care about me very much.

Well, almost two years later, I can fully attest to the fact that I have no regrets except for the times that I didn't listen to Jesus. Shorter shorts may have made me slightly more popular, but they did nothing in the way of pulling me closer to His heart. I wish that I had let myself fall into His arms instead of letting the world confuse me at every turn.

No matter how difficult the struggle, strive for a pure heart. You may feel as if the effort goes unnoticed, but if even impoverished, autistic actors take note of it, then I have a feeling that everyone else might, too.

^"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." Philippians 2:14-16 

Praise from Broken Keys

Trembling, I sat at the bench. I had been preparing for this moment for at least six months. My mother and my piano teacher had driven all the way to Holland for the day just so that I could sit at the Steinway on the stage at Hope College's chapel and play in front of a couple of prestigious judges for the Michigan Music Teacher's Association's SAT Semi-Finals.

Long story short, I bombed it. Badly. I messed up in places I had never even considered messing up before. Louis Nagel, a concert pianist who went to Julliard and teaches at U of M, wrote in his critique, "In measure 42 check your notes- not B sharp in the left hand chord."

Not B sharp?! Are you kidding me? The man must have ears like a bat!

Of my final piece he only wrote, "What makes this music 'modern?' You obviously enjoy playing this- I hear your energy."

Ah, the hilarity. Was that meant as a compliment?

Bozo the Clown had energy, too, Mr. Nagel.

This week I sat at another piano bench, but I this time I wasn't trembling. And this particular instrument was the absolute worst piano my eyes (and ears...) have ever beheld. Some misguided inventor decided to make a shortened form of the piano that was missing about a dozen keys on each end, and an equally misguided person purchased it for this nursing home. (Not to mention the fact that some of the keys stayed down once you played them, and some of the notes were so out of tune that they sounded like other notes.)

But the beautiful thing was that no one noticed. Even I forgot about the horrendous sound as we all sang "Amazing Grace" and "In the Garden" together in worship of our King.

My grandmother has told me time and time again that she's absolutely tone deaf. When I was little I used to listen to her sing her heart out to Jesus in church and wonder if He minded that she was a little off-key. I pictured Him sitting on a throne like Mr. Nagel and saying, "Praise Me! Praise Me!" One misplaced B sharp and its out the pearly gates we go.

Of course He doesn't mind.

When it comes to worshipping Jesus, I truly believe that all He yearns for is our sincerest worship. I've heard plenty of beautiful singers "praise" Him with an American Idol sort of flair, but sometimes I wonder who the praise is for. If we are truly at His feet in worship, then no one else exists. And the purest, holiest praise is what He asks for. Whether it comes from a high-pitched, off-key voice or a broken piano, it's all beautiful to Him. Thankfully, He doesn't have a pencil and a critique sheet in hand, either.

He's too busy being in love with us.

Tips From the Radio

This morning, as I was pulling up the shade, listeners from a Christian radio station were giving tips on how to beat those "dreary winter blues."

"Send note cards," one said. "Start exercising," suggested another. One chipper voice advised, "go to a concert!"

I couldn't help but agree that sometimes, the winter can get long and cold. As I pulled back my curtains, I saw there was indeed another gray, cloudy winter morn.

But those suggestions? I've nothing against a good concert or doing a few crunches--but have we ever tried simply abandoning our self-lives (which indeed often become gray and dreary) in exchange for an adventure with the King?

Lauren and I were commenting on the fact that so many people--including Christians--seem to get stuck in this pattern, of doing the same thing, everyday. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Over, and over, and over! With dark winter days, I must admit it would be easy to get in that sort of rut.

However, I'm determined not to fall into that pattern. The Christ-life can be--and is--a thrilling, exciting, radical love-story between you and your Prince.

"But you don't know what it's like for me," you say. "I have no choice over what I do--I have to go to my job, to my school, drive my kids to their activities, to babysit, to make dinner..."

We may not always have a choice in such things, but we do have choice in the way approach them.

A dreary, dark, life, or a light-filled adventure.

You pick.

Matters of the Heart

I had been babysitting all evening, hoping that watching Dora the Explorer and playing matching games would take my mind off of the mysterious subject that had been ailing me, but to no avail. My heart was unusually heavy, and had been for weeks. Telling the adorable three-year-old good-night, I had snuck off to the basement, where I've spent many a precious hour alone with Jesus and a beautiful shiny black upright.

Now something was very wrong with me, and the sweetness of those hours was nowhere to be found. A million thoughts went through my head, and it felt like a cloud separated my heart from His.

Suddenly, I heard tiny footsteps on the carpeted stairs. A figure appeared, smiling and not speaking a word.

"You're supposed to be in bed!" I tried to scold her, but I usually don't have much luck with that because she's just so darn cute.

"I don't want to go to bed," came the expected reply. She happily joined me as I continued to play.

After a few minutes, she cried, "I can't reach my blocks!" and I stopped playing for a moment in order to assist her with this difficult endeavor.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she chanted as she began building.

"Lauren," He whispered, "that's all I want. I want you to want to be with Me. I want you to ask Me for help. I want you to depend on Me and not think anything of it, because that's the way it's supposed to be. I want you to come to Me as a child would, full of sincere hope and wholehearted praise, not a regimented formula that you think will win you a chance at feeling My presence." 

I glanced behind me at this precious little girl who He has used to teach me so many lessons. Smiling, she played with her blocks, content in the fact that she depended upon me for everything. I hoped that she didn't notice the tears that had begun to stream down my cheeks as I continued to play. Just moments later, I heard her voice again.

"I can't reach my puzzles!"

After that:

"I can't find the letter 'K!'"

As I helped her, He spoke again, poignantly addressing the issue that He understood even when I didn't.

Depend on Me. 

He knows so intimately the cause of anything that may be weighing heavily on your heart at this very moment. For me it had a been an unwillingness to rest in Jesus, but you need to let Him overwhelm you with His love, for it is at His feet that you will find the truest joy, the sweetest peace, and the most passionate love that you could ever long for. When it comes to living the life He has called us to, dependence is the first step to independence.

A Call to Anguish

This video changed my life.

So why doesn't it have 400 million views like Justin Bieber?

Because it doesn't make you comfortable. It's not "feel good."

To be honest, I've had quite enough of "feel good." People who "feel good" all of the time never do anything for anyone else- they never learn to die to self.

It's not about us. Yes, our precious God is deeply, deeply in love with us, but that doesn't mean that we get to step back and say, "Wow, that's great! I hope everyone else understands that, too," because they don't. Most people don't have a clue that God loves them the way He does. I'm just beginning to understand it myself.

So, please, please, please, if you do nothing else today, watch this video. Then go touch someone else with the love of God- it may be ours, but it's ours to share.

Saturday Selections from Our Bookshelf: If

"If the moment I am conscious of the

shadow of self crossing the

threshold,

I do not shut the door,

and in the power of Him who

works in us to will and to do,

keep that door shut,

then I know nothing of Calvary love."

When my Grandmother asked me for a Christmas wish list, I sat at Amazon's website and stared. I, who needed absolutely nothing, was at a complete loss. Somehow, Amy Carmichael crossed my mind, and I decided to search for some of her books. If was near the top of the list, so I decided to add it to mine. 

If you've never heard of Amy Carmichael, she was a missionary in India for fifty-six years. At a young age she left everything behind to follow the call of Christ, rescuing orphans from temple prostitution and beginning a community for them that still exists today. What I admire most about Amy was that she was completely dead to self and alive to Christ- she was in love with Jesus, and she let Him be everything in her life. That was what set her apart to Him, and why her life was such a beautiful picture of selflessness. 

If is an incredibly short book. In fact, I read the whole thing in less than an hour. Still, it's life-changing. Amy's beautiful, short descriptions of what Calvary love really is are powerful and full of bold truth- she's not afraid of being honest. 

Since there are too many wonderful things about this book to tell you about in one little post, I'll just finish this off with a quote that sums up Amy's walk with Christ and her implicit trust in Him.

"Trust Me, My child," He says. "Trust Me with a humbler heart and fuller abandon to My will than ever thou didst before. Trust Me to pour My love trough thee, as minute suceeds minute. And if thou shouldst be conscious of anything hindering the flow, do not hurt My love by going away from Me in discouragement, for nothing can hurt love so much as that. Draw all the closer to Me; come, flee unto Me to hide thee, even from thyself. Tell Me about the trouble. Trust Me to turn My hand upon thee and throughly to remove the boulder that has choked thy riverbed, and take away all the sand that has silted up the channel. I will not leave thee until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. I will perfect that which concerneth thee. Fear thou not, O child of My love; fear not."  

Perspective

Have you ever thought about looking at your surroundings in a different way? I love to do just that. If you ever catch me just staring off in the distance, it's probably because I'm thinking about perspective.

I suppose it began as a kid, when imagination was so real, it was almost reality. With perspective, I imagined what is was like to be a pioneer, an Indian, or a sailor on a ship.

While I'm no longer in the habit of playing the roles of Laura Ingalls, Swift Foot, or Captian Hook, I still love perspective. It's such a pleasure to look at things in a different way.

Yet, with all that said, I so often forget to even take a glimpse at things through the eyes of our Lord. Not sure how? Open your Bible--and get a look at your King's heart.

From my perspective, everything seems so uncertain. Perhaps from your perspective, it seems as though things won't work out, or that your little "vacation" from your study in the Word doesn't really matter.

Oh, but what a keen perspective our God has! The journey of our life? Well, God wrote the story. Our straying from Him? He knows our thoughts, every moment.

Our King made the pearl-like bumps on a starfish, the music of birds, the tallest mountain, the mightiest miracles, the spots on a ladybug, --and details like that--big or small, simply give me thrill.

And it is He who longs for us to surrender ourselves to Him.

If we live with that perspective, what a life we shall live!

The Power of Testimony

I've met some interesting people over the last few years and, as a direct result, have come into contact with so many questions and stories and thoughts to ponder. So many people are searching for something (or, should I say, Someone) who has been right beside them all along.

"Well, how do you know He exists?"
"Why is there pain and suffering?"
"Why doesn't He feel close to me?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"

It would be easy to give a generic, Christianese answer. "Because God is love, and...He loves us...and...Jesus died on the cross...and..." but that really doesn't cut it when someone has heard and believed that their whole life long and things have never gotten any better.

I was on the phone the other day with a dear sister in Christ, and she brought to my attention a story that is so powerful it knocks the socks off of every cliche "Christian" answer I could possibly give. And it's true. And it didn't happen 2,000 years ago.

There was a man who had been in a severe accident that severed his entire body in half.

Ouch.

Anyway, He should've been dead- no one had ever survived such an accident. But there were angels at the scene- the man saw them- and he was brought to the hospital, still alive.

The doctors told him that his small intenstine was missing, and, because of this, he was going to die. There was no way for his body to digest anything, and he couldn't receive the nutrients he needed any other way.

Meanwhile, a man in a different state felt God tell him to get on a plane and fly to this hospital and pray for a specific man who he knew absolutely nothing about. The man obeyed, and flew to the hospital, finding the dying man God had spoken of. He laid hands on him and prayed.

The man lying on his deathbed began to feel something in his abdomen- his small intestine instantly grew back. The x-rays proved it.

You can't tell me there's no God. And you can't tell me that He doesn't heal people anymore, because it's simply not true. Next time you need an "answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have," (1 Peter 3:15) just remember the power of testimony.

A New Year

Oh God, my times are in you hand: look with favor, I pray, on your servant, as I begin another year. Grant that I may grow in wisdom and grace, and strengthen my trust in your goodness all the days of my life; through Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.

-The Book of Common Prayer