The Truth of The Matter

A little self-indulgence is good for you once in a while.

You deserve it.

We all need a little pampering.

Take some time for yourself.

Haven't we all bought into to these words? They creep up on us and sound so nice in the moment.

Not for long. You eat half the box of chocolates, and then groan at the numbers on the scale (not to mention the stomach ache!). You buy the cashmere sweater and then shrink it in the dryer by mistake. You purchase the pricey new cell phone, then your toddler throws it in the dishwater.

Discipline is by far one of the hardest actions to put into practice. We soon learn that our "self-indulgence" leads us to a downward spiral, but quitting is a difficult matter. It seems I resolve to do something, such as spend less time on the computer, or eat healthier, and do quite nicely for a while, only to fall back even deeper again.

This can get very frustrating, but God has been teaching me that there's a huge difference from attempting something in my own strength, from allowing Him to guide.

A couple years back Lauren and I decided to entirely give up watching t.v. and movies. Our families were a little shocked, to say the least, since sitting in front of the tube was something we had never given a second thought. They could not understand why we were doing this...mostly because we weren't sure ourselves...other than the fact we felt like we should. Because we could not explain our reasoning very well, our families in turn felt startled and unsure as what to think. It was really quite difficult, to give something up like that completely. My family would all be watching a movie together downstairs, laughing together. And I would be alone and think, is this really worth it? But slowly, Lauren and I would use these times to commune with Christ. Honestly, it was like a teeny tiny taste of Heaven, to be alone with my Prince.

Although we now watch t.v. on occasion with our families, it really required that full submission to break the habit we had. Although Lauren and I hadn't been constantly watching movies beforehand, we had been using that for own fleshy, self indulgence.

Sometimes you might think, what's the point? While it's true you'll benefit in some ways (such as eating healthier), you feel it's not worth the trouble. I want to remind you that discipline is not done for the self. We do it for Jesus Christ. If I am complaining or grumbling or kicking myself for not doing well, this is not discipline at all. But if you look at who you really long to be-a true servant and follower of Jesus Christ-we wouldn't be filled self-pity and doubt. (Oh, but how often we are...) Instead, shouldn't we be filled with a consuming joy, for our Abba God loves us and longs for us to surrender to Him?

I have been reading Discipline The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot, and I find she sums it up quite fittingly:

To be a Christian in New Testament terms is to be a disciple. There are no two ways about it. We have a Savior who has forgiven and saved us from the penalty of sin. Most of us would happily settle for that. But He died to save us also from our sins, many of which we love and hate to part with. Christ could not have done this of He were not the Lord over all the powers of evil. Jesus Christ is Savior because He is Lord. He is Lord because He is Savior. I cannot be saved from my sins unless I am also save from myself, so Christ must be "commanding officer" in my life.

Heart's Prayer

"O to be like Thee, Blessed Redeemer, this is my constant longing and prayer; Gladly I'll forfeit all the earth's treasures, Jesus Thy perfect likeness to wear. O to be like Thee, O to be like Thee, Blessed Redeemer, Pure as Thou are. Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness. Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart." -Hymn

Grief

I played the piano for three and a half hours today- first at a memory care facility, then at the West Michigan Cancer Center, then at another memory care facility. At the end of it all, I was struck by how much grief and misery I had encountered such a short period of time.

"I can't walk anymore," an eighty-six year-old named Gertrude said simply, tears falling from her eyes, "and sometimes I just wonder why God doesn't take me so that I can be with my husband. I loved him so much- he died when he was sixty."

Another woman was waiting for her fifty-two year-old son to finish radiation for a brain tumor. "After they finish with his brain, they're going to start on his lungs. It's so hard to watch your child go through it. And then next week I'm coming in to see if I have throat cancer."

On days like today, I start to think about just how much grief there is in the world. Even the little fraction of it that I am able to witness is absolutely overwhelming. When people ask me how I am, I feel like saying, "Well, I'm fine, but everyone else in the world is miserable and there's nothing I can do about it."

 As I was driving home today, all of this was spreading through my thoughts like wildfire. Then, like a calm stream, Ephesians 6:10 came to mind:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power."

On days like today, I feel like falling onto my bed and sobbing for all of humanity, but that's not the sort of compassion that Jesus had. Yes, He wept for Lazarus, but then He healed him.

We were made for so much more than grief. Dwelling upon it and letting it take over my thoughts is the last thing that Jesus wants. If I am not the one experiencing it, I ought to be pouring out to make it better. If that means spending hours on my knees or simply giving a hug to a stranger who is tired of being alive, I ought to be willing to do whatever it takes.

In no way am I saying that I'm in a place of complete obedience- I wish- but I'm on my way. We all are. All we need to do is keep walking this path. It may not be heavily trod, but I have a feeling that it's all going to be worth it in the end.

He Loves Us

One of my favorite things to do is converse with someone that I just met and feel like I've known them forever, which happened to me twice this week. One of the conversations was with a young woman who is quite a few years younger than me, but so wise that she might as well be a forty-five year-old pastor.

We had a long talk.

I think I learned more from talking with her than she learned from talking with me.

Her passion for Jesus and knowledge of His word astounded me. But, more than anything else about her, I was amazed by her confidence in one thing:

Jesus loves us.

In all honesty, I was beginning to feel like He was dissappointed with me. It's probably because I'm so much busier now than I've ever been before and I haven't studied His word as I should and I'm often too tired to have long conversations with Him that last deep into the night. And, because of these shortcomings, I had somehow convinced myself that He wasn't as pleased with me as He used to be.

"You know, I've been thinking lately about worship," she said simply. "It's not something that I have to give to God, but something that I can't help but give Him as a response to how much He loves me. Why would I ever want anything else?" She was beaming. She just knew that Jesus was in love with her and that she didn't need to do anything to deserve His love.

Does this give me an excuse to not study my Bible? Not at all- in fact, it should make me all the more eager to get to know this amazing God whose love for me doesn't depend upon anything that I do.

I just wanted to remind you that He loves you. We can't possibly comprehend how much, and there's no reason to try. All we're supposed to do is rest in His love.

That's all He wants.

Complete in Christ

May I die to myself that I may live in You;
May I wither to myself that I may blossom in You;
May I be emptied of myself that I may abound in You;
May I be nothing to myself that I may be all to You.

Desiderius Erasmus, 15th-Century Saint

"Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is." Amy Carmichael

He Has Found You

A year ago I received a prophecy from a friend. It was very short.

"He has found you."

I remember thinking, "Oh, okay, thanks. Of course He's found me- He's found all of us. I really appreciate that very 'personal' message."

It wasn't until several months later that I understood what she meant.

I was reading through 1 Samuel 13, the part of the story where Samuel tells Saul that He's going to get booted out. He says, "You have been foolish. You have not kept the command which the Lord your God gave you. It was at this time that the Lord would have permanently established your reign over Israel, but now your reign will not endure. The Lord has found a man loyal to Him, and the Lord has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not done what the Lord commanded." 

Of course, we think, "He's talking about David. What's so special about that?" It makes perfect sense to those of us who know the story.

There's just one problem: David wasn't a character yet. He doesn't show up for three more chapters.

"The Lord has found a man loyal to Him, and the Lord has appointed him as ruler over His people..."

Immediately, my thoughts went back to the day I had received my simple prophecy: He has found you. She didn't just mean that God had pursued me until He had captured my heart. No, her four words had far more meaning that I could've imagined, and more meaning than I'll be able to imagine until the day that I die.

God has appointed us. We have a destiny that He's already drawn out, a plan that's already formulated, and a story that He's already written. Each of us has been chosen for something extraordinarily beautiful and specific and wonderful, and we won't be able to see the whole picture until it's done- until we're done.

When Samuel spoke those words, David was probably standing in a pasture chasing sheep. He had no clue what God had in store for Him, but God had already chosen Him to become one of the greatest kings who ever lived.

He has found you. 

In Spite of Me, Jesus

Several months ago, I found myself in front of the television watching a documentary that I had just recently heard about: Jesus Camp. The documentary follows several children who are absolutely passionate about Jesus Christ and are even willing to appear strange in order to shine a light for Him. About halfway through, it features a pastor who, at the time the film was made, was immensely popular. His church was huge, successful, and well-known.

My mother caught a glimpse of him and told me that it came out not too long after the documentary was made that the pastor had been having an affair with a woman for several years, and eventually decided to become bisexual.

"Wow," I said, glancing at his huge congregation. "I wonder how the members of his church felt about that. How disappointing for them to find that their leader was making such a huge mistake."

"Well, you know," my mother reminded me with her usual wisdom, "God doesn't compare sins- to Him it's no different from what you and I do."

Her comment got me thinking about my many, many, many flaws. And one of them is having the wrong motivation when it comes to doing things for God. Am I really living for His glory, or do I want it for myself? Usually I'm forced to be honest with myself and answer the latter.

Not long after all of this came up, I read Philippians 1:15-17:

"Some, to be sure, preach Christ out of envy and strife, but others out of good will. These do so out of love, knowing that I am appointed for the defense of the gospel; the others proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely..."

As I read, I inwardly shook my head, thinking of the fallen pastor, "Such a shame."

Then I kept reading.

"What does it matter? Just that in every way, whether out of false motives or true, Christ is proclaimed. And in this I rejoice."

Seriously, Paul? Is that the honest truth? Because, if it is, then I ought to rejoice, too! This means that whatever I do for Jesus, even if my heart isn't always pure and my motives aren't always Biblical, in spite of all the me that's in me, Christ can still be proclaimed and glorified.

What a gift.

Entering His Rest

Tonight I was reading through some of my diary entries from last summer. "Jesus keeps telling me to 'rest,'" I said.

Needless to say, some things take lots of time to change.

The other night I was babysitting a little girl who was having trouble going to sleep. She had so many excuses- she was hot, she was hungry, she didn't want to wear her pajamas- and nothing would get her to settle down.

Finally, she curled up in my lap and I rubbed her back gently until she fell asleep. 

As I sat there on her little bed, her body finally beginning to relax, I imagined myself in her position, Jesus, in His usual way, prompting me to rest.

For some reason, I've always assumed that His rest only comes when everything in my life is perfectly right. Once in a great while, when everything is just as it should be, I've felt relaxed in His arms, unafraid and without worry.

But, as you know, there's always something to be worried about.

The little girl who had too many troubles to sleep didn't suddenly say, "Well, those things don't matter anymore. I guess I'll go to sleep now!" No, there were still very real problems in her little world. But she chose to succomb to the rest that she needed, letting it carry her far away from her struggles.

Jesus is always ready to give us rest. Let's not wait a minute longer to take Him up on His beautiful offer of refreshment.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good. How happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!" Psalm 34:8

Flower Lessons

Right now there's a little bouquet of buttercups on my dresser. They are very pretty, and have actually been teaching me many things. Perhaps you wonder just how a flower could teach so many lessons? Allow me to share with you:

::Shine for the King

::Have a sunny disposition

::Grow in the Lord

::Lift your face to Him. He is our Creator.

My little bouquet affects the entire atmosphere of my room, making it bright and sunny, lovely and fresh. Imagine if I replaced it with some molding, smelly, dead plant. Would it not change the entire mood? What effect do have in your family and with those around you?

I'm no expert, but I think that the secret of a joyful face begins with a joyful heart. And God most certainly is an expert on changing hearts. Are you in need of satisfaction? Today I challenge you to turn to Him, dear friends, for rest and fulfillment.

You never know what a flower will teach you!

"Get in the habit of saying, 'speak, Lord,' and life will become a romance." Oswald Chambers

Give Up All Self

I lay my life down for the Father

My life for Him alone I lay

All of earth and it's worldy treasures

At the cross it is laid

All fame, all glory, all praise I give to you

Work in my heart oh Jesus

Wonderous Savior...