The Downward Spiral of Self

When I think back over the past six years that Jesus and I have been really close, it's easy to figure out the pattern that comes with the so-called "ups and downs" in our relationship. I say "so-called" because I know without a doubt that they are actually just caused by my lack of drawing near to my Father, since James 4:8 says that He will draw near to me if I draw near to Him. Honestly, I think that the only thing getting in the way is self.

Self-anything, really. Self-doubt. Self-depreciation. Selfishness. Being self-absorbed. Self-glorification. I know I've struggled with them all at times. Once I allow myself to focus on myself, it's a quick downward spiral into getting so stuck inside my own head that I forget there's a dying, hurting, broken world out there that needs Jesus and I'm supposed to be sharing Him with everyone around me.

Even if, and especially if, we've been hurt or we're broken or we're sick or tired, it seems to me that the very best thing we can do is get out of our own heads and start to focus far more on Jesus- His power, His perfection, His goodness, His love- and far less on us. The result can't help but be magnificent!

The disciples learned the secret of literally rejoicing in suffering simply because they understood that their lives were but a grain of wheat in comparison with the glorious reality of Jesus Christ and His work on the cross.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." John 12:24

Fabricated Femininity

We all know that the women on magazine covers are fake. We've all seen the video about how much photo editing it takes to make a person look "flawless." (If you haven't it's definitely worth seeing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U) But the thought I was having as I drove between jobs today was this: how many of us are still buying into the lie that those magazine models are the personification of beauty?

Think about it: so many of us are still purchasing spray tans, concealers, inch-thick push-up bras, wrinkle creams, etc., etc., etc. You can even buy undergarments like "Spanx" to pretend that you're skinnier than you are, even though the potential dangers of wearing them are strikingly similar to those of the 19th century corset. And all of it goes toward putting on a show that disguises who we really are and turns us into these characters who we hope will be considered as beautiful as those digitally-altered models in the check-out aisle. And what's all of it for? Don't we just feel like objects when we're ogled at the grocery store or approached by creepy strangers at the gas station?

Some of the most beautiful women I know aren't young. They're not pretty. They don't have flawless skin or perfectly toned bodies. They don't have anything going for them when it comes to our culture's definition of beauty, but they love. They nurture. They smile and laugh with the joy of heaven. They've proven to me that Jesus' definition of beauty is very different from ours.

There's nothing wrong with being pretty, but I don't think being pretty has anything to do with God's description of a woman who is valuable in His eyes.

We've heard it before, but may we begin to live in light of His truth:"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Backstabbers Anonymous Come Clean

I would say that I'm sorry for not writing on this blog for five months, but that would be a lie. These five months have taken me through a refining fire that I've never experienced before. Sometimes, I'm finding out, we go through seasons where we're not really fit to share our feelings with just anybody because all that's going to come out is a bunch of confusing, vague symbolism, mostly because sharing the truth might offend somebody or other or make things worse than they already are.

Now, vagueness aside, Jesus has taught me more in the last five months than I'm pretty sure I've ever learned in five consecutive months of my life. And I'm starting to come into a new season, just as Michigan is- the season where all of the cold and wind and rain has not only finally brought forth flowers and leaves on the trees, but where the fruit is beginning burst forth, too.

Onto business.

Jesus has been teaching me a hard lesson, so I thought I'd share it with anyone who might happen upon this blog in case He's been teaching you that lesson, too.

We're going to start with our very own character. I'm going to name her Prudence. Now, tell me you can't relate to this scenario:

Your best friend/cousin/mother/sister/whoever calls. You catch up for awhile, and then get to the phase in the conversation where there's nothing left to talk about but other people. Your friend/cousin/mother/sister/whoever plows right into this conversation phase with ease and agility.

"Have you heard about Prudence's new boyfriend? She met him on eHarmony," she chuckles a pity chuckle and continues. "Sounds like she's heading down to Chicago to meet him. With the kinds of guys she's dated, I wouldn't be surprised if he's a taxi driver or something."

Freeze.

Here is where I, if I were you, would normally have jumped right into the conversation with just as much ease and agility as your friend/cousin/mother/sister/whoever. But Jesus has been working on me. A lot.

Why is it that we think we know what decisions everyone else should make? It's so easy to pick apart other people's choices and think we know what would be better for their lives. Even though it's absolutely none of my business what Prudence decides to do with her life, I still feel that eHarmony was a poor choice and that she's throwing her love life down the drain because she's doing something that I wouldn't do.

Who cares what I think?!

Prudence didn't ask me. In fact, Prudence has no idea that I'm talking about her behind her back and would probably be very hurt if she found out that I laugh at her when she's not around and turn the delicate matters of her heart into a joke that I throw around when there's "nothing left to talk about."

What if people did that to me? "Have you heard that Lauren decided not to go to college? I'm pretty sure she's never been on a date, either. She's so weird sometimes. She probably has no social life with anybody besides the people in those nursing homes where she plays the piano!"

I'm a pretty tough cookie, but I still wouldn't appreciate people having those sorts of conversations about me. So why do I think it's okay to do that to everyone else? I'm almost positive that Jesus never did that.

I can see it now. After a long day of walking across some desert somewhere, the disciples hit the hay around their campfire and conk out fast. Only John and Jesus are still awake. Jesus, leaning back on some sycamore trunk, says, "You know, John, I've been thinking about Thomas lately. I'm pretty sure he's one of those doubters. Don't tell him I told you this, but sometimes I wonder if he was a good pick when I asked you guys to come follow me."

Yeah, right.

I can honestly say that I'm ashamed of the way I've treated so many of the people who I am called to simply love. I'm sorry for talking behind their backs, for thinking ill of their choices, for laughing at their life paths. I'm sorry for saying bad things about them just so I would feel better about myself, and I'm sorry for not seeing them as the precious children of God that they are. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for all backstabbing and criticizing to be over and done with. By the enabling grace of God, I know it's possible. If there's one thing I've learned about changing the way I think, it's that He's always willing if I'm willing.

He's Not Shocked

"You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar." Psalm 139:2

Do you, like me, ever have the thought, "I hope Jesus doesn't find out about this!" Or maybe, "Oh, no! God's not going to be happy about me doing this!"

A few years ago I heard a Misty Edwards song called "I Knew What I Was Getting Into." (You can listen to it here if you're interested.) I remember tears pouring down my face as I felt Jesus speaking through Misty directly to my heart.

You see, somewhere along the way I think that we forget about the omniscience of God. You know, the fact that He already knows? That when we slipped last week and did something that we regretted later, He wasn't shocked. In fact, He knew about it before it even happened, and it didn't change His desire for us.

Unlike us flippant humans, He actually doesn't change. Ever. He doesn't change His mind about us, even when we find ourselves caught in the most sinful, perverse situations. He's just waiting for us to respond to His open, waiting arms. His mercies are new every single morning, and they're never going to run out.

What a glorious God we serve!

Divine Grace

Lately, the Beloved of my soul has been far too great, too magnificent, too sweet, too beautiful, too awesome for an unworthy girl like me to contain into words in this little space. So I must humbly and simply say--

Jesus.

Will we ever fully realize how in desperate need we are of Him?

I am ashamed to admit, how often I credit His majesty for my work. But the truth of it is, I am absolutely nothing but His empty vessel, and He is everything.

"The greater the perfection you aspire to have, the more dependant you must become on divine grace." -Brother Lawrence

Divine Grace. My precious Savior has woven these sacred words upon my heart lately. May it all be for Thee, precious One!

Not in my power, but His. Divine Grace.
Not according to my schedule, but His faithful daily sunrise. His plan. Divine Grace.
Not to aimlessly wander after the earth, but to follow the Shepherd. Divine Grace.
Not my worthless pleasure, but to worship in matchless wonder, to wash His feet. Divine Grace.
Not myself, but His Holy Spirit. Divine Grace.
Not within me, but in Christ. Divine Grace.
Not my sin, but His blood. Divine Grace.

"I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me: and the life I now live in the body I live by faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself up for me." Galatians 2:20-21

Where's the Hope?

This morning I came across a very convicting statement in 1 Peter 3:15-

"...always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you."

As I read over the words, I started wondering if that statement even has a place in my life right now. Do others ever see the hope that is in me? Is it even there?

It's a difficult time of year. We're losing daylight, losing our beloved warm weather, getting ready to vote for the next president, stashing away money for Christmas, starting to get bored with the day-to-day routine that began when school started last month, etc., etc., etc. But, no matter what is going on, as Christians it's a part of our job description to always have hope. And it's not just a "when we go to glory someday" kind of hope, it's a now kind of hope. It's a noticeable, out-of-the-ordinary, annoying, incorrigible hope that doesn't fade and goes beyond all reason.

Last night I caught a bit of a radio program where an author was talking about Jesus saving the prostitute by saying, "Whoever is without sin, let him cast the first stone," in John 8. The author was  explaining that, though we may haughtily think otherwise, most Christians today would fit right in with the pharisees, shouting, "Stone her!" heartily as we stick to our religious rituals and think we're better than those caught in sinful lifestyles. Are we really loving people as Jesus did, or are we just expressing our opinions by self-righteously judging those around us and ignoring the planks in our eyes? It sort of tied a knot in the pit of my stomach as I heard what he said and thought about just how wrong I am so much of the time.

More than anything, I desire to stand out in a crowd. Not because of me, but because of Him. And it's not so they see me, but because I want them to see Jesus in all of His splendor. May His hope, His love, and the fullness of who He is resound through the lifestyles that we live. He didn't make us to handle situations the way the rest of the world does by complaining and worrying and meditating on "What if?"s all day long. And yet, how often is that exactly what we're doing?

We may have a long way to go, but that's no reason to wait another minute to grow up and have some hope.

In Awe of His Glory

Sometimes I think that one of the most beautiful things God can do for us is give us something that we can't take any credit for.

Nearly two and a half years ago, I sat at our kitchen counter and painted a picture of a bird.

This really doesn't sound very magnificent, except for the fact that I'm not a painter. I'm really not. I know absolutely nothing about painting. Before that day, everything that I had ever tried to paint somehow ended up becoming a large, multicolored blob that immediately ended up folded up in the trash so that no one would ever see it.

Well, that day I couldn't help myself. I had this strange desire to paint, and, for some reason, it actually worked. I remember sitting there and hearing Jesus speak the word "feathering" to my heart, not realizing until later that this was actually a legitimate painting technique that I was using at that very moment.

Then, one summer day, I sat outside and tried to paint a tree. It looked awful, and I had just given up when I heard Jesus whisper the word "refraction." For all I knew, refraction had to do with bending light and nothing to do with painting....until I looked up "refraction in landscape painting" and discovered that this, too, was a legitimate technique, and not using it was actually what was causing all of the problems with my pitiful tree.

Needless to say, Jesus had my attention.

So, what might Jesus be wanting to do in your life today? Answer an impossible prayer? Provide an impossible amount? Or simply reveal Himself in a way that He never has before? May He be glorified in all that we do, and when we come to the end of our days may we be able to truly echo the words of Jesus in John 17:4-

"I glorified You on earth, having accomplished the work that You gave me to do."

Ever Present Presence

 

"In God’s name, I beseech you, let prayer nourish your soul as your meals nourish your body. Let your fixed seasons of prayer keep you in God’s presence through the day, and may His presence frequently remembered though it be an ever fresh spring of prayer. Such a brief, loving recollection of God renews a man’s whole being, quiets his passions, supplies light and counsel in difficulty, gradually subdues the temper, and causes him to possess his soul in patience, or rather gives it up to the possession of God."

 -Francois de Fenelon

Enough for Today

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34

I'm a planner. I'm such a planner that I plan to make plans for my plans. Two and a half years ago, Jesus said, "Would you be willing to give up your plans to follow Me?"

"Follow Me." He said it so many times in the Gospels, yet somehow I had come to the conclusion that following Him would involve a five year (or maybe, if I was lucky, a ten year) plan that He would clearly reveal as soon as I grabbed a pen and piece of paper and said, "Whenever You're ready!"

Last week I had a chance to share the testimony of where God has brought me over these two and a half years in front of a congregation of nearly 200 people. It struck me as funny how I could say, "It was all so worth it!" then, knowing full well that at the start of those two and a half years I was about as eager to move ahead without plans as a cow is who is on his way to be slaughtered.

You see, what happened when I let go of my plans and grabbed onto Jesus was nothing short of a perfectly scripted, unimaginable, challenging, fulfilling journey that is just getting started. It's been two steps of obedience forward, one step of disobedience back, but He's been so incredibly good and so wonderfully patient.

Then, last night, I had a chance to share with someone else about where Jesus has brought me, and I was reminded yet again of how faithful He's been to lead the way. Every single moment of it. It's been beautiful, not because of me, but because of His goodness and the way that He's fulfilled His promises to be my Guide and Shepherd.

What about tomorrow? What about the decisions we have to make every day? What about the times when God is "silent?" What if I'm not where I'm supposed to be? What if I'm doing something wrong?

"Do you trust Me?"

It's what He always whispers to me when the questions start coming. Do you really believe that He's going to be faithful to show you the way? Then let your soul be at rest and let tomorrow worry about itself.

Freedom in His Arms

Well, dear friends, it's been far, far too long, and yet I'm not terribly sorry for not writing. It feels like everything inside of me is an egg that has been under an incubator for the past three months and is just now getting ready to hatch.

Lindsey and I have been home for a month now from a marvelous, incredible, beautiful adventure at Ellerslie Leadership Training in Windsor, Colorado. That is where we spent most of the summer, hence the lack of posts. But now I do believe that it's high time to get back to sharing with all of you about the wondrous truths that Jesus reveals to us about Himself as we strive to know Him more.

Yesterday morning I was starting to feel overwhelmed. It wasn't about any particular thing, but about a very long list of things that was being compiled in my head until I wasn't sure what direction to turn. Responsibilities, old and new, were beginning to pile on top of one another, and I was folding under the pressure.

Then, last night, I sat down on a grassy hillside that overlooked a glorious sunset, meditating on God's faithfulness over the past five years and on the journey He's taken me through. Remembering my near-panicked attitude that morning, I felt embarrassed.

As I looked down the hill and across the park, I noticed a little girl no more than two years old running along a sidewalk as fast as her tiny legs would carry her. She smiled with glee, looking as if she had finally escaped and could run free. Not too far behind her, her father ran after her and tried to catch her.

"Slow down, Lauren," he whispered. 

The girl's name caught my attention, to say the least.

"Slow down, Lauren," Jesus whispered to me. "If I've really called you to complete all of these tasks, I'll give you everything you need to take care of all of them." 

Later, I saw the same man carrying his little Lauren in his arms. She was fussing (I'm sure because she wanted to keep running) but she stayed. Maybe someday I'll learn to do the same. 

"One day you'll learn that true freedom is found when you're finally at rest in My arms. Slow down and let Me carry you."

"'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" Isaiah 41:10

Childlike Anticipation

A couple days ago I was making brownies with a little four year old friend of mine. I must say it was rather sweet to watch his enthusiasm. Begging with delight he said, "can I crack the eggs?" "Can I stir?" "Can I try a chocolate chip?" When we finally poured the batter into pan and popped it into the oven, he could hardly wait for those 30 minutes to be up to taste his creation. We'd play with his toys for a little while, then with bright, wide eyes, he would say, "HEY! Maybe the brownies are done!" He'd trot to the oven and ask me to turn on the oven light to check. Not yet.

Thirty minutes is a long wait for a little boy. "How many more minutes now?" he'd ask. "Ten minutes." He'd wait about twenty seconds and then say, "how about now?" Soon enough, however, the timer beeped and there was a cheer--the brownies were ready! He was not in the least disappointed. "Mmm, yum! These are good!" I heard him say through a mouthful of crumbs.

Ever since that fun little baking session, I have thought a lot about the childlike anticipation we are meant to have through Christ. Allowing Jesus to shape a childlike expectation in our life is a beautiful thing. While I once awoke each morn wishing I had more time to sleep, I now often find myself filled with a joyful adoration for Jesus. Just think, we can give our first words in praise to Him! It is not because I have a perfect life or something like that, but instead because I know with all my heart that our King is the Way, and with a childlike anticipation, I can declare:

"Jesus, what do you have in store today?"
"Hey! Maybe I can serve this way!" 
"Look how God painted the sunset tonight!"
"What can I learn from the Lord today?" 

What is that makes your heartbeat quicken, your hands tingle, your feet itch? Contrary to what I've often thought, these things shouldn't necessarily be meant for "someday, later." Those callings and gifts can be cultivated right now by seeking Jesus, and knowing that He delights in our childlike anticipation.

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him." Psalm 62:5

Lauren's Late Night Escapades

I've always been terribly obsessed with the moon. Back when I thought I was going to be a world-renowned novelist someday, I even wrote a book about a girl who was obsessed with the moon just to make me feel like I was normal.

It didn't work. 

Anyway, reminiscing aside, I am still very fascinated by the moon, and last night's full one was just begging to be photographed with my new camera. Waiting until I was sure it would be visible above our backyard jungle of trees, I tiptoed down the hallway with my camera and snuck outside. 

To my great disappointment, even though it was after midnight, the moon was still behind the trees. Sitting on the deck rail, I waited for awhile, hoping that it would emerge. 

When it finally did emerge, I began snapping photos, excited at the prospect of what they would look like. Until, of course, I noticed that they looked like this:

Needless to say, I was disappointed and decided to give up, as the time was nearing 1 o'clock in the morning. But then I realized something- I'm blind as a bat at night without my contact lenses! Even though the moon looked perfectly round and light and glorious to me, it was also very fuzzy. Perhaps there was something in my way that I couldn't see, blocking the path between the moon and I. 

After tiptoeing in the house to fetch my glasses and tiptoeing back out, I discovered that there were dozens of trees in the way! I just couldn't see them without looking at them through the proper lenses. 

How often do I look at situations and immediately try to figure them out on my own, getting discouraged and disgruntled when things don't make sense? All of the time. But God has this uncanny ability of knowing everything, and it's supposed to be my job to follow Him in everything, not try to figure it out on my own with my blind-as-a-bat night vision. 

And, just so you know, as soon as I could see clearly, I just moved to a different spot and found a clear window without any obstacles. Then I took this one:

The Dance

As I opened my eyes, a warm breeze swept over my body. All around me were towering trees, and they almost seemed to speak to me as they waved their branches. I waved in reply.

The ground was covered with a carpet of delicate blossoms in every hue. Spring and summer flowers alike were thriving in the quiet meadow, as well as many flowers that I had never even seen before. The air smelled spicy-sweet, like an exotic flower. It was hauntingly familiar, yet uncommonly lovely.

I was dressed in a gown and robe of the finest silk, my hair loose about my shoulders. My feet were bare, as I always felt they should be, and I stood upon them to take in my surroundings.

I heard a bird whisper to me from a low branch on a nearby blossoming tree. His song was sweet and low, and as I listened, I began to understand what he was saying to me.

"Below," he chanted in a familiar manner, his voice gaining clarity with every repetition. "Below."

As I glanced at my feet, I discovered another garment of silk. Its pastel shade was one that I had never seen before- a marriage of rose and lavender and periwinkle all spun together in one heavenly color.

"Come away."

The moment I heard the whisper, I instinctively knew that the lovely gown was mine, and I slipped into it, amazed by how perfectly it fit.

"Come away," the Voice whispered again, this time with the trees and birds and flowers joining in unison.

As I turned about, I didn't see an opening or a trail that led out of the meadow.

"To where should I go?" I called out, searching for a hidden pathway.

From somewhere beyond the meadow, I heard a quiet rustle. Almost like a breath, a calm breeze began to blow. The trees circled about joyfully and clapped their hands. As they did, they parted and cleared a path. Still full of joy, they bowed low for Whoever it was that was coming.

He was Light. He was all things bright and beautiful as He walked along the path that was being created for Him. I stood still there in the calm of the meadow, hardly able to breathe.

As He approached me, I followed in the footsteps of the trees and bowed low. He laughed and held out His hand, tender and strong, for me to take hold of.

"Come away with Me," He whispered.

I smiled shyly and nodded, knowing that I would follow Him to the ends of the earth. We walked, leaving the meadow and all of its beauty behind us. The trees continued to clap their hands as I felt an overwhelming sense of peace envelope my entire being, beginning with my hand that He held tightly, and spreading over the rest of my body.

His eyes were upon me always, not ever looking away. Even as He led me along the path, He was sure of where we were headed. Somehow it was not difficult for me to look Him in the eye. His eyes were beautiful- a blend of perfect strength and the purest tenderness.

The path widened and eventually opened out to a field that was seemingly endless. As we stepped onto the greenest grass that I had ever seen, its cool blades soft against my bare feet, I heard a melody coming from the hills far off in the distance, sweeping over the land. It was slow, sung in an enchanting tongue.

The music's pace quickened, and He took me in His arms. He didn't say a word, but no words were needed. His gaze was fixed on me, and I felt nothing but sheer joy as He smiled down on me. He spun me about as if I was light as a feather, twirling me in an effortless waltz that was only graceful because of His perfect strength.

The dance left me breathless- not from exertion, but from ecstasy. As the music continued, He stopped for a moment, His gaze still upon me.

"Please don't stop," I whispered, wishing it would never end. His hand still held mine, and His strong arm was still holding my waist.

"I must tell you something," He said tenderly. "Darling, you are more lovely than any human tongue can ever describe. Don't let everything that you're feeling affect you. Think only of Me."

I knew instantly what He spoke of, yet I didn't want those thoughts to enter my mind. Not now. Not ever again.

"Your heart is precious, dearest one, for I am there. Guard it with all that is in you."

I nodded, unable to speak.

"This lift is meant to be a dance with Me. Never let anyone tell you otherwise," He whispered, lifting His hand to wipe a tear from my cheek.

And He spun me away, far across the valley, to the mountains and the hills, where the singing swelled in one glorious crescendo...

Overwhelmed

I'm taking an 1,150 mile road trip in one month and six days. I won't be back until the end of the summer.

My older brother is moving to Georgia in two days.

My sister and her husband are moving to Indiana in two days.

My little brother just GOT A JOB. (Isn't he still twelve?)

I have a thousand little things running through my head all at once, all vying for my energy and attention. And they've got it.

A few weeks ago I started a new kind of journal. In it, I tell Jesus exactly what I'm thinking- the honest, no extra adjectives, sometimes grammatically incorrect, truth. And today all I could think to write was a paragraph stating the above. When I closed the book and stood up from my desk, Jesus gently whispered to my heart:

"Well, there's your problem!" 


"What do you mean, Jesus?" I ask sweetly, "Do you mean that if I spend sixteen hours a day thinking about everything I have to be concerned about and everything that I need to get done and give You a total of three minutes in the afternoon that I just might get a little bit overwhelmed? Of course You couldn't mean that." 


But He does. And that is my problem. If I spent the majority of my time sitting on the couch watching Masterpiece Theater and eating potato chips and then did ten minutes of cardio each afternoon, the likelihood that my exercise would get me to a place of ideal physical fitness is pretty much nonexistent.

And that is the lesson I learned today.

Plucking Strings



A few weeks ago, my sweet sister and I were playing around a bit on her guitar. At first it was pretty out of tune, so of course, it sounded terrible! I observed, however, that even when you pluck a twanging string, you can stop the noise by simply placing your hand on the string. Obvious if you've ever held a guitar, yet interesting that you can start and stop a beautiful, or in this case, an awful, noise.

There are little things in life that I allow some string twanging to go on in my soul. Silly little things, like finding the dog had chopped off several of the pretty tulips outside. I quickly choose to pluck an out of tune string in my soul, sometimes for only a moment, but more often I pluck repeatedly throughout the day.

But you know what? We can simply say, "Jesus put your hand on this string," and that foolish noise goes away in an instant. Pretty soon, we don't even choose to pluck the string, instead, we get in tune to HIS voice and start to play His joyful songs. I encourage you to worship Jesus by playing some music...not with an instrument or by singing, but with your soul instead.

A Plate Parable

 

This evening I was washing the dinner dishes. Nothing unusual, I know. In fact, it was feeling rather ordinary.

But then, the something unexpected and rather revolutionary happened.

I don't even remember how it came to pass, or what I did, but somehow I put a freshly washed plate on the dish drainer rack the wrong direction. And then the aha! moment came. I had actually put it in the correct direction! Just think! How many times...perhaps thousands?...I have been putting those plates in the wrong way, simply because that's the way I put them in. Now, however, they will dry more effectively and will be easier to put away because they are placed in the way they are meant too be.

I wonder how many aspects of our lives have the same problem. We just do things because, well, that's the way we do it.

I don't invite our neighbors over for dinner, because well, I never do.

I decide things my way because, well, that's how I do it.

I put limits on our limitless, awesome God because, well, I do. 

But we can turn away from the "that's just the way I do it" and have an aha! moment too. It simply means shedding the old in exchange for the new, and allowing our King to be our guide.

Light us aflame, Abba, show us Your way.

Because, well, its the only way to life.

  

 Whether you turn to the right or to the left,

your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,

“This is the way; walk in it.”
Isaiah 30:21

A Revelation

I'm kind of a criminal.

At least when it comes to parking garages.

Please don't tell anyone, okay?

I park on the top floor of the parking garage at Western Michigan University so that I don't have to pay for a parking pass or buy a bunch of quarters that I would much rather be spending on gumballs or shiny stickers or  bouncy balls on my way out the door at Meijer.

There, I said it.

Not only is it cost efficient, but I also get the opportunity to run down three flights of stairs and stretch my legs between hours of playing the piano. While I was making that little jaunt this morning, I saw two birds. (Side Note: A few weeks ago I discovered one of their kin lying dead in the stairwell, and now I know why.)

The birds thought that they were stuck. They kept throwing themselves against the glass panes of parking garage wall, stopping every few seconds to gaze longingly at the world that they couldn't reach. No matter how hard they hit the window, nothing changed. Then, just as I was about to leave them in their captive misery, they stopped trying. They both sat on their windowsills and looked out, their countenance completely changed. Suddenly, they were both content to watch everything that was going on around them and not participate in it anymore. It seemed like they had just given up.

As I gave up my newfound hobby of birdwatching and headed to the voice lesson I was playing for, I thought about how much those birds reminded me of my old self and the way I used to treat spiritual growth.

"Wow, there's a whole world out there to explore!" I would say with excitement. But then I'd hit a wall, assume there was nowhere else to go, and, with a shrug of my shoulders, declare that I was "done for now." After all, I knew more that those "Sundays only" Christians already. And, for awhile, that was enough.

But all it takes is one revelation- one person telling us that there's a whole world beyond that glass wall, and that no amount of throwing ourselves against it will get us out there. In order to discover it, we'll need to discover the only One who can lead us out of the spiritual cage we're in and into the adventure of exploring His glorious Kingdom.

"Circle Zion, take her measure, count her fortress peaks, gaze long at her sloping bulwark, climb her citadel heights— Then you can tell the next generation detail by detail the story of God, our God forever, who guides us till the end of time." Psalm 48:12-14    

"It is not well for a man to pray cream, and live skim milk."

 -Henry Ward Beecher

Careless Abandon

Every Tuesday and Thursday I play the piano for a choir of very...lively...eighth graders. It's always fun to watch how different their personalities are. Some are quiet and deep, others exactly the opposite, and among everyone else there's a range that's everything in-between.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, while all of the other kids run to the music rack to put their folders away, one girl stays behind. Her name is Elisha, and she inspires me.

"Hi, guys!" she smiles at the choir director and I. She then proceeds to inquire as to how the former choir director is doing (he had an accident last fall and is still recovering) and ask who is going to have the honor of singing the solo in "Mighty to Save" at the spring concert. She asks these questions every single time I'm there.

She always brings something to share with us, like a little craft project she made in elementary school, an origami frog she made in art class, or her diary. She usually tells me that I'm a wonderful accompanist as she strolls away. She never says good-bye. And, last Thursday as she was leaving, she walked away saying, "You're an awesome accompanist. I love you! I love you guys!"

Elisha has autism, but there was a part of me that almost wanted to be jealous of her as she walked away on Thursday. She is so unafraid of being bold and honest, and completely unafraid of loving us and letting us know that she does. Where we all have natural human tendencies to back off, be understated and hide the things we feel, those inhibitions don't exist in her world. I almost think that she's better off for it.

When Jesus calls us to be "childlike," it seems to me that this is exactly what he's talking about. How many of us are actually allowing ourselves to fall into His arms and rest there, trusting in His every word and not letting ourselves be plagued by fears of what the rest of the world thinks about what He tells us to do? I'm certainly not worthy of being put into that category. But I'd like to be someday.

And a little girl in eighth grade who many would see as handicapped is already miles ahead of me.