Ever Present Presence

 

"In God’s name, I beseech you, let prayer nourish your soul as your meals nourish your body. Let your fixed seasons of prayer keep you in God’s presence through the day, and may His presence frequently remembered though it be an ever fresh spring of prayer. Such a brief, loving recollection of God renews a man’s whole being, quiets his passions, supplies light and counsel in difficulty, gradually subdues the temper, and causes him to possess his soul in patience, or rather gives it up to the possession of God."

 -Francois de Fenelon

Enough for Today

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34

I'm a planner. I'm such a planner that I plan to make plans for my plans. Two and a half years ago, Jesus said, "Would you be willing to give up your plans to follow Me?"

"Follow Me." He said it so many times in the Gospels, yet somehow I had come to the conclusion that following Him would involve a five year (or maybe, if I was lucky, a ten year) plan that He would clearly reveal as soon as I grabbed a pen and piece of paper and said, "Whenever You're ready!"

Last week I had a chance to share the testimony of where God has brought me over these two and a half years in front of a congregation of nearly 200 people. It struck me as funny how I could say, "It was all so worth it!" then, knowing full well that at the start of those two and a half years I was about as eager to move ahead without plans as a cow is who is on his way to be slaughtered.

You see, what happened when I let go of my plans and grabbed onto Jesus was nothing short of a perfectly scripted, unimaginable, challenging, fulfilling journey that is just getting started. It's been two steps of obedience forward, one step of disobedience back, but He's been so incredibly good and so wonderfully patient.

Then, last night, I had a chance to share with someone else about where Jesus has brought me, and I was reminded yet again of how faithful He's been to lead the way. Every single moment of it. It's been beautiful, not because of me, but because of His goodness and the way that He's fulfilled His promises to be my Guide and Shepherd.

What about tomorrow? What about the decisions we have to make every day? What about the times when God is "silent?" What if I'm not where I'm supposed to be? What if I'm doing something wrong?

"Do you trust Me?"

It's what He always whispers to me when the questions start coming. Do you really believe that He's going to be faithful to show you the way? Then let your soul be at rest and let tomorrow worry about itself.

Freedom in His Arms

Well, dear friends, it's been far, far too long, and yet I'm not terribly sorry for not writing. It feels like everything inside of me is an egg that has been under an incubator for the past three months and is just now getting ready to hatch.

Lindsey and I have been home for a month now from a marvelous, incredible, beautiful adventure at Ellerslie Leadership Training in Windsor, Colorado. That is where we spent most of the summer, hence the lack of posts. But now I do believe that it's high time to get back to sharing with all of you about the wondrous truths that Jesus reveals to us about Himself as we strive to know Him more.

Yesterday morning I was starting to feel overwhelmed. It wasn't about any particular thing, but about a very long list of things that was being compiled in my head until I wasn't sure what direction to turn. Responsibilities, old and new, were beginning to pile on top of one another, and I was folding under the pressure.

Then, last night, I sat down on a grassy hillside that overlooked a glorious sunset, meditating on God's faithfulness over the past five years and on the journey He's taken me through. Remembering my near-panicked attitude that morning, I felt embarrassed.

As I looked down the hill and across the park, I noticed a little girl no more than two years old running along a sidewalk as fast as her tiny legs would carry her. She smiled with glee, looking as if she had finally escaped and could run free. Not too far behind her, her father ran after her and tried to catch her.

"Slow down, Lauren," he whispered. 

The girl's name caught my attention, to say the least.

"Slow down, Lauren," Jesus whispered to me. "If I've really called you to complete all of these tasks, I'll give you everything you need to take care of all of them." 

Later, I saw the same man carrying his little Lauren in his arms. She was fussing (I'm sure because she wanted to keep running) but she stayed. Maybe someday I'll learn to do the same. 

"One day you'll learn that true freedom is found when you're finally at rest in My arms. Slow down and let Me carry you."

"'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'" Isaiah 41:10

Childlike Anticipation

A couple days ago I was making brownies with a little four year old friend of mine. I must say it was rather sweet to watch his enthusiasm. Begging with delight he said, "can I crack the eggs?" "Can I stir?" "Can I try a chocolate chip?" When we finally poured the batter into pan and popped it into the oven, he could hardly wait for those 30 minutes to be up to taste his creation. We'd play with his toys for a little while, then with bright, wide eyes, he would say, "HEY! Maybe the brownies are done!" He'd trot to the oven and ask me to turn on the oven light to check. Not yet.

Thirty minutes is a long wait for a little boy. "How many more minutes now?" he'd ask. "Ten minutes." He'd wait about twenty seconds and then say, "how about now?" Soon enough, however, the timer beeped and there was a cheer--the brownies were ready! He was not in the least disappointed. "Mmm, yum! These are good!" I heard him say through a mouthful of crumbs.

Ever since that fun little baking session, I have thought a lot about the childlike anticipation we are meant to have through Christ. Allowing Jesus to shape a childlike expectation in our life is a beautiful thing. While I once awoke each morn wishing I had more time to sleep, I now often find myself filled with a joyful adoration for Jesus. Just think, we can give our first words in praise to Him! It is not because I have a perfect life or something like that, but instead because I know with all my heart that our King is the Way, and with a childlike anticipation, I can declare:

"Jesus, what do you have in store today?"
"Hey! Maybe I can serve this way!" 
"Look how God painted the sunset tonight!"
"What can I learn from the Lord today?" 

What is that makes your heartbeat quicken, your hands tingle, your feet itch? Contrary to what I've often thought, these things shouldn't necessarily be meant for "someday, later." Those callings and gifts can be cultivated right now by seeking Jesus, and knowing that He delights in our childlike anticipation.

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him." Psalm 62:5

Lauren's Late Night Escapades

I've always been terribly obsessed with the moon. Back when I thought I was going to be a world-renowned novelist someday, I even wrote a book about a girl who was obsessed with the moon just to make me feel like I was normal.

It didn't work. 

Anyway, reminiscing aside, I am still very fascinated by the moon, and last night's full one was just begging to be photographed with my new camera. Waiting until I was sure it would be visible above our backyard jungle of trees, I tiptoed down the hallway with my camera and snuck outside. 

To my great disappointment, even though it was after midnight, the moon was still behind the trees. Sitting on the deck rail, I waited for awhile, hoping that it would emerge. 

When it finally did emerge, I began snapping photos, excited at the prospect of what they would look like. Until, of course, I noticed that they looked like this:

Needless to say, I was disappointed and decided to give up, as the time was nearing 1 o'clock in the morning. But then I realized something- I'm blind as a bat at night without my contact lenses! Even though the moon looked perfectly round and light and glorious to me, it was also very fuzzy. Perhaps there was something in my way that I couldn't see, blocking the path between the moon and I. 

After tiptoeing in the house to fetch my glasses and tiptoeing back out, I discovered that there were dozens of trees in the way! I just couldn't see them without looking at them through the proper lenses. 

How often do I look at situations and immediately try to figure them out on my own, getting discouraged and disgruntled when things don't make sense? All of the time. But God has this uncanny ability of knowing everything, and it's supposed to be my job to follow Him in everything, not try to figure it out on my own with my blind-as-a-bat night vision. 

And, just so you know, as soon as I could see clearly, I just moved to a different spot and found a clear window without any obstacles. Then I took this one:

The Dance

As I opened my eyes, a warm breeze swept over my body. All around me were towering trees, and they almost seemed to speak to me as they waved their branches. I waved in reply.

The ground was covered with a carpet of delicate blossoms in every hue. Spring and summer flowers alike were thriving in the quiet meadow, as well as many flowers that I had never even seen before. The air smelled spicy-sweet, like an exotic flower. It was hauntingly familiar, yet uncommonly lovely.

I was dressed in a gown and robe of the finest silk, my hair loose about my shoulders. My feet were bare, as I always felt they should be, and I stood upon them to take in my surroundings.

I heard a bird whisper to me from a low branch on a nearby blossoming tree. His song was sweet and low, and as I listened, I began to understand what he was saying to me.

"Below," he chanted in a familiar manner, his voice gaining clarity with every repetition. "Below."

As I glanced at my feet, I discovered another garment of silk. Its pastel shade was one that I had never seen before- a marriage of rose and lavender and periwinkle all spun together in one heavenly color.

"Come away."

The moment I heard the whisper, I instinctively knew that the lovely gown was mine, and I slipped into it, amazed by how perfectly it fit.

"Come away," the Voice whispered again, this time with the trees and birds and flowers joining in unison.

As I turned about, I didn't see an opening or a trail that led out of the meadow.

"To where should I go?" I called out, searching for a hidden pathway.

From somewhere beyond the meadow, I heard a quiet rustle. Almost like a breath, a calm breeze began to blow. The trees circled about joyfully and clapped their hands. As they did, they parted and cleared a path. Still full of joy, they bowed low for Whoever it was that was coming.

He was Light. He was all things bright and beautiful as He walked along the path that was being created for Him. I stood still there in the calm of the meadow, hardly able to breathe.

As He approached me, I followed in the footsteps of the trees and bowed low. He laughed and held out His hand, tender and strong, for me to take hold of.

"Come away with Me," He whispered.

I smiled shyly and nodded, knowing that I would follow Him to the ends of the earth. We walked, leaving the meadow and all of its beauty behind us. The trees continued to clap their hands as I felt an overwhelming sense of peace envelope my entire being, beginning with my hand that He held tightly, and spreading over the rest of my body.

His eyes were upon me always, not ever looking away. Even as He led me along the path, He was sure of where we were headed. Somehow it was not difficult for me to look Him in the eye. His eyes were beautiful- a blend of perfect strength and the purest tenderness.

The path widened and eventually opened out to a field that was seemingly endless. As we stepped onto the greenest grass that I had ever seen, its cool blades soft against my bare feet, I heard a melody coming from the hills far off in the distance, sweeping over the land. It was slow, sung in an enchanting tongue.

The music's pace quickened, and He took me in His arms. He didn't say a word, but no words were needed. His gaze was fixed on me, and I felt nothing but sheer joy as He smiled down on me. He spun me about as if I was light as a feather, twirling me in an effortless waltz that was only graceful because of His perfect strength.

The dance left me breathless- not from exertion, but from ecstasy. As the music continued, He stopped for a moment, His gaze still upon me.

"Please don't stop," I whispered, wishing it would never end. His hand still held mine, and His strong arm was still holding my waist.

"I must tell you something," He said tenderly. "Darling, you are more lovely than any human tongue can ever describe. Don't let everything that you're feeling affect you. Think only of Me."

I knew instantly what He spoke of, yet I didn't want those thoughts to enter my mind. Not now. Not ever again.

"Your heart is precious, dearest one, for I am there. Guard it with all that is in you."

I nodded, unable to speak.

"This lift is meant to be a dance with Me. Never let anyone tell you otherwise," He whispered, lifting His hand to wipe a tear from my cheek.

And He spun me away, far across the valley, to the mountains and the hills, where the singing swelled in one glorious crescendo...

Overwhelmed

I'm taking an 1,150 mile road trip in one month and six days. I won't be back until the end of the summer.

My older brother is moving to Georgia in two days.

My sister and her husband are moving to Indiana in two days.

My little brother just GOT A JOB. (Isn't he still twelve?)

I have a thousand little things running through my head all at once, all vying for my energy and attention. And they've got it.

A few weeks ago I started a new kind of journal. In it, I tell Jesus exactly what I'm thinking- the honest, no extra adjectives, sometimes grammatically incorrect, truth. And today all I could think to write was a paragraph stating the above. When I closed the book and stood up from my desk, Jesus gently whispered to my heart:

"Well, there's your problem!" 


"What do you mean, Jesus?" I ask sweetly, "Do you mean that if I spend sixteen hours a day thinking about everything I have to be concerned about and everything that I need to get done and give You a total of three minutes in the afternoon that I just might get a little bit overwhelmed? Of course You couldn't mean that." 


But He does. And that is my problem. If I spent the majority of my time sitting on the couch watching Masterpiece Theater and eating potato chips and then did ten minutes of cardio each afternoon, the likelihood that my exercise would get me to a place of ideal physical fitness is pretty much nonexistent.

And that is the lesson I learned today.