Feelings

"You know, I really don't feel like doing this anymore," I told God once I hit about an hour and fifteen minutes of trying to keep my sheet music off of my fingers and on the broken music rack. I was playing for a Mother's Day banquet, and no one was listening to me anyway.

"This isn't about how you feel," He told me back. "It's about them."

Suddenly, I realized that, at some point in the one and a half hours that I sat there, a hundred and fifty pairs of eyes were going to be looking at me. And for that entire period of time, a hundred and fifty pairs of ears were going to have to sit through whatever came from my fingers and the twangy upright Yamaha. Even though I was playing Debussy and Chopin and Mozart, Jesus wasn't limited by my repertoire.

"Well, still, I don't feel like I have anything to offer them. Especially not when I'm not talking to any of them and all I'm allowed to play is background music," I whined.

"This isn't about what you're playing, either. If humans were limited to their own ability, no one would ever be able to showcase My beauty. It's all about what I'm able to do through you, not what you feel like you're accomplishing through your own ability."

I have no idea what I did for anybody that afternoon. Perhaps nothing. Or maybe Jesus was able to love someone who needed to feel the touch of a human hand through mine, or comfort someone who missed hearing "Amazing Grace" through its familiar harmonies. All I know is, I really didn't feel like being there. And it didn't matter.

Thank goodness that God isn't limited by our feelings. Truth be told, we shouldn't be either. I don't even want to think about the way that life would be if the world turned upon an axis of feelings. Why, then, do I allow my decisions to be based upon the way I feel rather than the Spirit of God? If only I leaned upon His strong arm and His ability to use the little that I have to offer in big ways.

"For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him." Philippians 2:13

If only I read my Bible.

And, just because I love her, here's my favorite new song from Rebecca St. James:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgsfESBDFcg&NR=1