Grief

I played the piano for three and a half hours today- first at a memory care facility, then at the West Michigan Cancer Center, then at another memory care facility. At the end of it all, I was struck by how much grief and misery I had encountered such a short period of time.

"I can't walk anymore," an eighty-six year-old named Gertrude said simply, tears falling from her eyes, "and sometimes I just wonder why God doesn't take me so that I can be with my husband. I loved him so much- he died when he was sixty."

Another woman was waiting for her fifty-two year-old son to finish radiation for a brain tumor. "After they finish with his brain, they're going to start on his lungs. It's so hard to watch your child go through it. And then next week I'm coming in to see if I have throat cancer."

On days like today, I start to think about just how much grief there is in the world. Even the little fraction of it that I am able to witness is absolutely overwhelming. When people ask me how I am, I feel like saying, "Well, I'm fine, but everyone else in the world is miserable and there's nothing I can do about it."

 As I was driving home today, all of this was spreading through my thoughts like wildfire. Then, like a calm stream, Ephesians 6:10 came to mind:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power."

On days like today, I feel like falling onto my bed and sobbing for all of humanity, but that's not the sort of compassion that Jesus had. Yes, He wept for Lazarus, but then He healed him.

We were made for so much more than grief. Dwelling upon it and letting it take over my thoughts is the last thing that Jesus wants. If I am not the one experiencing it, I ought to be pouring out to make it better. If that means spending hours on my knees or simply giving a hug to a stranger who is tired of being alive, I ought to be willing to do whatever it takes.

In no way am I saying that I'm in a place of complete obedience- I wish- but I'm on my way. We all are. All we need to do is keep walking this path. It may not be heavily trod, but I have a feeling that it's all going to be worth it in the end.