Real Trust (with Real Doubts)

I used to think that someday I would finally arrive at the point where I really, truly trusted God. Eventually every single doubt would have dissolved and I would reach a moment where I could say, "God, I trust you!" and absolutely nothing would be hindering me from glad surrender.

Looking back, I realize that I've already unknowingly trusted God over and over and over. Here's what amazes me: there have been constant, seemingly faithless doubts on my part in every single instance, but that never changed His faithfulness in bringing to completion exactly what He promised.

What I used to picture trust looking like was me standing on a mountaintop with my arms spread wide, saying, "I'm all yours, Jesus!" and meaning it with my whole heart. No wonder people become frustrated with themselves when they fail to reach that point in their walk with Christ, because that's not what it looks like at all.

Now when I think of trust, I imagine a blind version of myself at the very edge of a rushing river. I know that I need to cross the river to get where I'm headed. Jesus calls to me from the other side and says, "There's a bridge! Take another step and you'll see what I mean."

Do I know for a fact that there's going to be a bridge? No. All I know is what He's told me. Do I have doubts? Of course I do. My ears tell me that if I take one more step I'll be swept away.

This is the moment where I have two choices: I can either trust myself and the voices of the world that tell me to be safe and take the easy way out- the route with no risk- or I can ignore the way I feel about the situation and believe that God is as faithful as He promised to be.

When I make my choice and take my step out, my doubts begin to melt as I feel the evidence of His promises coming to fruition.

Trust is not the absence of doubt, but the willingness to take a blind step beyond that doubt and watch God's perfect faithfulness unfold.